Self-care…Selfish or Soulfish?
Photo by Lori Gola.
This blog is the second in a series on self-care.
For many of us, self-care feels selfish. We have in our mind it takes too much time, we’ll have to give up sleep, we just can’t do it…the list goes on and on. There are so many thoughts and perspectives that keep us from self-care. What if we switched the word “selfish” to “soulfish”? Self-care as soulfish, not selfish? What might that do for our perspective…and actions?
My very first coach taught me the term “soulfish”, and I have leaned on it with my clients for all 20 years of my coaching practice. In one of my sessions with my coach, I shared how I longed to be more creative and just have more fun versus always choosing based on what I felt I had to do or should do. She asked me if those activities were selfish, or soulfish. “Soulfish?” I asked. And she went on to say that soulfish is about doing things that feed your soul, that honor you and your uniqueness in the world.
It can look like doing things that light you up – simple or grand – so that you are more you, more alive, more of who you are meant to be in the world. Soulfish activities usually end up not only bringing more joy and lightness to yourself, but because you’ve filled your cup, you have a better impact on others. You have put on your oxygen mask first. You have shifted your energy to honor yourself which helps you be best for others.
It might seem difficult to determine whether something is selfish or soulfish. We have a way of drowning out our little desires and cravings of how we want to be. We drown them out with thoughts and perspectives about life, work, insecurities, expectations, etc. Sometimes we don’t even believe these thoughts – they are just thoughts that society or our upbringing have ingrained in us.
Try asking yourself the question, “Is this selfish or soulfish?” If you listen to your body and intuition, not just your head, you will often find the answer of “soulfish” more easily than anticipated.
And for those of you who like to use your head (you analytical mind!), here is a little activity you can try to jog yourself out of any complacency and into self-care…through choosing soulfish ways.
Write down a list of 15 things you want/like to do. Have at least 6-8 of them be small things that don’t take much time, but that would bring you joy (5 minutes of meditation in the morning, walking around the block at lunch, taking notes on paper instead of the computer, listening to dance music instead of the news on the way to work, etc.).
Write next to each one what you would get from doing it. What would be the impact on yourself? Others? (Calmness, joy, energy, perspective, etc.)
Look at any patterns you notice in the impact column. Do they look soulfish? Selfish?
Then choose 1-2 things you will do or be (call it practice!) in the coming week – just for fun!
Notice your thought patterns and energy as you explore and practice. Do you get a little buzz or rush? Does it cause stress? What are you noticing about your impact on others? What thoughts shifted when you practiced soulfish choices? Taking care of you can be a big shift. So…
Be gentle with yourself. Perhaps even say a little mantra, “I am grateful for me, all I am and all I am becoming. I will be gentle and loving with me.” Having a little “go to” grounding statement can help you choose soulful choices.
DOWNLOAD this worksheet. Give it a try and drop me a note about what you learn!
And if you are ready to “Start Fresh” – learn more about the soulfish retreat I’m co-facilitating in Costa Rica!