Giving Grace

Photo by Lori Gola.

COVID has been tough. I’ve heard many of my coaching clients over the past couple years talk about “giving grace” to their team members. Now, they are saying, “I want to give grace, but now they have got to deliver. What am I to do?”  It got me thinking about the word “grace.”

I started thinking about how many of my clients were using “give grace” to mean “give them a pass.” They were giving a pass on uncompleted work or bad behavior since things were so tough.

And now, while things are still difficult, they realize that to meet goals, they need to stop the passes and hold their team members responsible. One client said, “I need to quit giving grace. I need them to do their work.” I thought to myself, are giving grace and managing expectations mutually exclusive? I think not.

So, I asked one of my coaching clients, “Do you want to ‘give grace’ as a pass, or as a way of being while holding them responsible?” She didn’t say anything for a while and then lightbulbs lit up.

Giving grace doesn’t only mean giving a pass – it also means showing compassion and understanding with a full heart while holding someone responsible for their work. To hold them responsible in a grace-filled way that shows empathy, while inspiring them to be their best in the face of so much hardship and uncertainty – that’s graceful leadership. She went from thinking she was taking something away, to truly giving them something. 

If you find yourself getting frustrated because you’ve been giving people a pass, and now feel like they have regressed, look at yourself first. How are you inspiring them to be their best and holding them responsible for results and behaviors? I see this transition from lockdown to an emerging new normal as an opportunity to show people that you care for them and believe in them to do their best. You can give grace and hold them responsible. They count on you to do that. 

So you might be wondering, what does it look like to hold someone responsible while giving them grace? It looks like empathy, understanding, belief, and – when honest – affirmations. Any or all of these, while holding firm on expectations, and helping them problem-solve to find a way forward. It might sound like:

• “The report is due tomorrow. I know you said your hands are full with some last-minute customer requests and I really appreciate you showing up for our customers like you do. They always can count on you. What do you think can be shifted so that you can complete that report?”

• “I know it’s difficult to keep showing up with a positive attitude when the systems keep crashing and people are out ill. You are normally someone who can find light in the darkest situations. The team is really working hard and we need each person to show up and be supportive of each other. Let’s chat a bit so I can hear what might be getting in the way of your normal self. I’d love to see you light up a room again – even in the face of difficulty.” 

Hopefully, you can see how acknowledging their obstacles, affirming what they can do, showing you believe in them, and helping them work through a solution, can be grace-filled, while holding them to expectations. Your belief in them is a critical factor in how your grace comes across. 

Now, we know that sometimes a pass is what is needed, but when you need to hold to expectations, make sure to do it with grace.

What does giving grace look like to you? How do you show grace and inspire team members to do their best? How are you holding them responsible while giving some grace? 

May you have grace for yourself and others while you live fully showing up at your best and doing it gracefully.